No Turning Back

After my last post I called a "meeting" of sorts out on the campus nature trail.  Fortunately for my that thing isn't used very frequently anyways, and no-one is ever there on nights when there's class the next morning.  I met Phillip at the entrance and we went to a more isolated part of the trail where the Slender Man was waiting.  He was standing under a tall tree off the main part of the trail, illuminated in the moonlight.  As soon as Phillip saw him he knelt on the wet mud, and for a surreal moment I felt compelled to mirror the action.  Just something about the scene, the light, the intensity, the silence, just the image of a fellow human knelling before something so much more powerful than him, something so sure of it's right the rule, it called to something primal in me.  You know He's old, but if you've never seen him standing over someone he owns, you can't realize just how old he is.  But I've refused the kneel before him in the past, and as long as I remain in control of my own mind I will continue to refuse.

After Phillip stood I revealed my plan to them both.  I was... unsure about how the Slender Man felt, for some reason I wasn't able to read him as well as I have been in the past, though talking with him has never been easy.  Phillip, on the other hand, was ecstatic, though it's become obvious that's he's accepted his role as my subordinate and it's unlikely he'll ever appose anything I'll say.  So after a few minutes of collaboration with the two of them I left them to go walk the rest of the trail by myself.  I needed to contemplate some things, and the trail was still the safest place for me to let Cage take control for a while.  I've been keeping a tighter grip on him lately, because I can't allow myself to slip up, now more than ever, but the downside is that sometimes I need to simply give him complete control for a while, to balance things out.  Free does not approve, but he doesn't approve of much of anything I choose lately, then again, neither does Cage, neither do I.

So Friday, yesterday assuming I start typing this faster, I met Elizabeth.  That seems odd to say, because I do in fact meet her every day, as well as some others, I do have something of a social life after all.  But this time I met her with a specific purpose, one script in my mind detailing what what going to happen.  We "ran into each other" outside the student center, where Phillip had managed to delay her usual schedule to force a confrontation, and I asked her how she was feeling.  She naturally responded with deliberately vague answers about how she had been a little stressed out, maybe a little tired, how it was nothing to worry about, and then she asked me why I asked.  My response was also deliberately vague, I mentioned about how I was just feeling on edge for no particular reason, how I was tyring to figure out if there was something going around; I choose my words and tone carefully, designed them to set the idea in her head.  We walked for a few minutes, talking uneasily, dancing around the thing we were about to address.  When He showed up I started coughing, I almost ended up on my knees from putting so much force into it.  Elizabeth turned to check if I was alright and saw Him standing in the trees, watching.  When I recovered from my practiced episode I joined her in staring into the trees, still partially crouched.  Then I repeated the question she asked me not two weeks earlier: "Do you see it?" When she answered her voice was dripping with fear:

"Yes."

Then He was gone, having full filled his role in a plan he had agreed to, the Slender Man was content to leave the rest to me.  My dorm was closer, and my roommate was already gone for the weekend, so we went to my room and discussed our options.  I played some music to try and get the image out of her head and calm her down and asked what was going on.  She only told me things I already knew: She was being hunted, she couldn't sleep without having nightmares, she was receiving threatening messages and signs, and she was trying to find an answer, but I listened as though I was hearing it for the first time.  At first I pretended to join in her fear, to make it seem as though I was even more confused and lost than she was, I even acted as though I couldn't believe it was real.  Then I got angry, I told her that we couldn't lose to Him, that we would find a way to escape whatever was going on.  As we discussed options she mentioned that she had stumbled across a few blogs that seemed to be dealing with him, at first acted was skeptical, but then I had her tell me all she knew about the blogs.  I convinced her to go home for the weekend, and I told her that I would take over looking at the blogs for her, that she should focus on watching the various vlogs instead to see if she could find out anything there.  With our labor divided so that there was no risk of her finding my blog I decided it was best to wrap things up before she could suggest anything different.  I told her I had one last class I had to go to (which was, incidentally, the truth) and that she should go ahead and go home, that maybe getting out of the area would provide some relief for the time being.

So now I'm being "Hunted" along with Elizabeth, the good news is that I can keep her from finding out who and what I am, but the bad news is that I now have a much greater role in her active psychological torture.  And now she knows, for better or worse, that I can see him too.  This means that I'm now entrenched in this mess no matter what, there's no walking away to save myself and still not serving Him, the two options before me are more clear than ever before, and I'm far closer to having to choose one of them.  Somehow it seems that this happens every time I try to buy myself time, but my options beyond that are have always been few anyways.  I suppose that if I have to dig myself a deeper hole than there's something comforting about being the one holding the shovel.

See you around

-Cage

Road Trip(s)

Hello and a Merry 2012.  How were your perspective New Years, I heard about the proxy party and all that excitement, I've got to get invited to one of those things, they sound like a blast.  Anyways, I spent my New Years on the highway, trying my hand at being the good guy for a bit.  It didn't exactly end well.  Perhaps I should start at the beginning.

It turns out that one of the many bloggers I regularly chat with, Robin, of Butterfly Boy, was in a bit of trouble and needed a ride.  Normally I would have let the responsibility fall to someone else, but he was relatively close and I had no other obligations I needed to fulfill for the next few days, so I decided to give him a lift.  I thought surely there was nothing wrong with helping out a friendly guy, I could learn a few things in advanced and trick all of you into thinking I was a decent person.  

I woke up early the next morning and drove out to Memphis, to a school where Robin was waiting, I got there a little early and saw a a big tall guy leaning against a tree, half asleep.  Sure enough it was Robin, he was a little wary of me a first (probably just freaked out by my appearance) , but after he calmed down and had eaten a bit he was excessively grateful.  Seriously though, Robin, there is actually such a thing as too much gratitude, and you really don't have to pay me back for the trip at all.

Anyways, the trip itself was uneventful for the most part, we talked some, but nothing really substantial was said.  I wanted to get to California in a single trip so there really wasn't all that much regard for the speed limit.  We finally made it to Robin's apartment around four or five in the morning on New Year's Day, and by that point I was pretty sleep deprived, so I agreed to come in for a soda before going to find a hotel to stay for the rest of the day.  That's about the time things went bad.  I'll let Robin elaborate on it if he wants, but I'd rather not get to into it, the whole ordeal just gave me a migraine.  The short story is that his roommate, Jenna, didn't take a shining to my irresistible charisma, and she made a slight mistake as to where exactly my alliances were.  It was an understandable mistake, but one I've grown tired of people making, and as I said, I was sleep deprived.  I... Lost control for a brief moment, fortunately I recovered and left before any permeant damage was done.

After that I spent about a day recovering, and then roughly half a day in California, and then yesterday afternoon I headed back home I got back late this afternoon, and have since been catching up with everything going on in the community.  I have to hand it to the proxies, they sure know how to spend New Year's Eve.

And now for some exciting news: The Overseer has finally decided to open the doors to one of his miraculous facilities that seem to be capable of warding off The Product, as he calls him, and let me get a tour of the place.  I've been looking forward to this, and I'm hoping he'll submit to an interview while I'm there, so you can look forward to one or two posts about that when I return.  

This is looking to be an exciting new year, and I can't wait to see what it brings.  Here's hoping at least two or three of you are still alive next year.


See you around
FeeedomCaged

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

If you don't know this poem, shame on you, google Robert Frost and come back when you're more educated.  I'm sorry, that's probably a bit harsh, this post isn't about Frost anyway, I just happen to be a fan of the man's work.  But no, this post is brought to you on request of a friend, he wants to spread a question around.  What happens after you take the Path of Black Leaves?  It is a good question, isn't it, going down that road is a changing experience for those with the fortune or misfortune to walk along its trail.

I have only ever entered the path once, and sometimes I still feel it, seeping into my head.  I have never had hallucinations, and I'm not one to remember my own dreams, but there is something in that realm that changes you.  When I first went in I knew far less than I do now, but I could feel the power of the place right away.  The ground, the sky, it all reeked of a darkness and His power permeated the trees, and it all hit me at once.  I... lost control, it's a place I have never taken it a second time for a reason, any power I hold over Cage is lost there, I all but blacked out as the cruelest part of my mind had more control than it had ever had before.  Even when I left the path, my mind was clouded and dark, I couldn't think straight for weeks.  It is a place that has more power over me than I prefer, so I largely leave it be, but there are still things that can be learned from it without actually taking the Path.

So little is truly well known about those trees, about that dark road, but some things are common knowledge:

1. Everyone's favorite weight-loss success story has some major influence over the place. It is believed to be his realm, or perhaps a barrier between his world and ours.
2. It can be used to accelerate travel, people can walk a few yards down the Path, and travel hundreds of miles on our land.
3. Traveling there is not a good idea, especially if you are not prepared, it has a way of infecting your mind, and no qualms about killing off the occasional trespasser.

Yeah, that's about it, sorry guys, that's all I can find that is even slightly reliable and consistent.  I should start scouring, more of the old blogs again, I suppose.  But for this one I'm leaving you with a request, please feel free to share any experiences you have had with the path, or any theories you've developed on it, this is one of those posts where I'll probably come back and add in the details later.

See you around

-Cage

A breif introduction into Freudian physcologly

Here is the last post I have planned designed explicitly to explain and introduce myself before I move on to matters that I'm sure you will all find immensely more helpful or interesting, or completely irrelevant depending on my mood.  In this post I would like to address something you've surely noticed by now (especially if you've read my comments) and that is my seemingly dual personality.  I admit that I refer to Free and Cage as entities almost separate from myself, but this really isn't an accurate portrayal of our relationship, I am neither schizophrenic, nor do I have multiple personalities.


In fact the best way I can think to define our relationship is through Sigmund Freud's structural model of the psyche.  This identifies the three main aspects of the human psyche: The Id, The Ego, and The Superego.  I view my personality as an extreme manifestation of these aspects, most people are only ever aware of their Ego the middleman who decides weather the Superego or the Id takes precedence, I however am hyper aware of both my Id (Cage) and my Superego (Free).  While many only hear one part of themselves at a time, I am constantly listening to all three, and because I am so actively aware of each of my extremes I have a tendency to act on either edge of the spectrum.  This can explain how I am so ordered, sometimes even compulsively so in some of my interactions, and how I snap so easily.  If you were to visit Cage's site you would notice quite clearly the differences in our styles and even take note of how he is substantially less coherent.  However, that is more than enough rambling on my part, lets take a look at how exactly Freud divides the psyche (I'd like to take this last chance to note that while this is not a perfect parallel, most of what I will be discussing in the next paragraph will line up with my own mentalities.)


Freud believed that within each of us remained an animal instinct, a part of our minds fueled only by the need to survive and our own concerns.  The Id is a chaotic faction of our minds, driving us to pursue pleasure, comfort, and safety if need be.  It is driven by impulses, easily distracted, but completely amoral (not immoral, there is a difference), if allowed to have complete control the Id would have no objection to taking any path that brought it greater joy, regardless of the expense to others, or even the long term safety of itself (although, once again, its own immediate safety takes precedence over all else.)


However Freud also believed that mankind (and mankind alone) had developed a higher level of reasoning and altruism.  The Superego, he theorized, was responsible for all of our moral guidance, a facet of our mind that protected our long term interests by making itself conform to society's roles and expectations.  Of course, the Superego will always pursue perfection and self actualization, it is responsible for our conscience and a desire to sacrifice for the greater good.


The final aspect of the human psyche as seen by Freud was the Ego, which acted as a middleman between the often contradictory natures of the Id and Superego.  It was the Ego's job, Freud rationalized, to find ways to please the Id without endangering the Superego's moral compass or goals for long term growth.  Of the three, the Ego is believed to exert the most cconsciousness and is the part of the mind where our actual thoughts take place.


Now that we've covered this I'd like to throw up a little fun fact about Freud: despite being a very significant and influential physiologist, Freud was also well known for being a sexist pervert, and quite egotistical as well.


See you around
-Cage


Side note: Another blogger, Robin, actually noticed how I presented myself this way before I made this post, and while I would like to point out that I had actually been thinking about myself this way since I took psychology in High School, I am quite impressed that he caught on so quickly.  Therefore three bonus points are awarded to Robin, congratulations on this quite useless reward.

What Happened Last Week (or why I can make a blog without a tentacle sticking out of my chest)

Well I guess it's been long enough now that I need to talk about what happened last week.  Those of you that have been paying attention probably have some idea of what I'm talking about.  Before last week I hadn't even considered starting up a blog, but now I suddenly find myself capable of writing one without completely nullifying my agreement, and I am starting to see to advantages of having this place online to consolidate my work.  But that isn't important right now, what's important is that you know how I came to the point that I could do this.

I've had a deal with the Slender Man for several months now, and part of that agreement was that I not get to involved to heavily in the online community of people trying to fight him, and in return he would keep them away from me as well as he could (and of course the whole not killing me bit).  About a month ago I starting talking to some of the blogers, true to our arrangement I didn't make my own blog, I didn't hint at the knowledge that earned me this immunity, and I remained neutral in most of my postings.  Unsurprisingly He wasn't pleased with my activity, but I didn't post anything harmful, so I was able to continue with this behavior for some time.

The first time I suspected something might have been off was a couple of weeks ago, when I found an operator symbol on my campus.  It was drawn in chalk on one of the roads behind the library, and there were no obvious reasons for someone to have drawn such a symbol there.  Of course I hadn't seen any other kind of suspicious activity or other signs of trouble, but it was still enough to unnerve me, and so I started looking around to see if I could find anyone who would have a reason to be in my area, or to track me down.  However, my research yielded no explanation, and my skinny associate claimed total ignorance in the matter, so after a week of no more activity I reached the conclusion that it was a coincidence, I was safe in my happy normal corner of the world.  It wasn't until Thursday that I realized I was wrong.

Last Thursday was the day I met the Runner, I still don't know what his name was, but it seems that it couldn't have been anybody I had met through the blogs, as they all still seem to be active.  I was getting a drink before one of my classes when I noticed him.  You know you can actually feel people who have a connection with him, I haven't felt such a sensation in a long time, so at first I was unsure of what it meant.  He was at least 6'1'', a few inches taller than myself, short blond hair, and was very muscular, clearly stronger than myself.  He came up to me fast, and before I could respond he had basically dragged me into one of the restrooms and shoved me against one of the walls.  That was when he pulled out his gun, I could see in his dark eyes that he was almost eager to use it.  Even a week later I can see all of it in my head in perfect clarity.

He was breathing heavy, he spoke in a low growl: "How did you do it, when did you start working with him?"

I was caught of guard, but I was not about to let somebody strong arm information out of me.  "They don't allow weapons on this campus," in hindsight, it was a stupid remark, I could have gone for so much more, information, a name, even a more clever retort, but in the briefest victory of my life I saw him take a step back and lower the gun slightly out of surprise.  Then he charged me, pinned my neck to the wall with his arm, leaned in close, and put the barrel of his gun on the right side of my chest.  Cold metal ready to pump a slug into my chest and the first thing I thought of was how disgusting his breath smelled, the second was, of course, that he was pointing the gun at the wrong side if he was aiming for my heart.

"I've been watching you, you're a proxy.  What do I have to do to keep safe, how did you start working for him?"

Many things dawned on me almost at once.  The first was that he thought I was a proxy, he clearly didn't know who exactly I was.  Somehow this didn't upset me nearly as much as the realization that he had been watching me, I am a scientist, not by an official means, but I enjoy studying things, I do not however enjoy being studied without my knowledge.  The third thing I realized, was that he appeared to want to join the Slender man, he was willing to trade his safety for his freedom.  The final thing I noticed, and it took a few seconds for it to sink in, was that there appeared to be a head and an impeccably well dressed pair of shoulders staring in through the window of the second floor men's room.  The Runner wasn't quite as quick to notice this development, but when he looked to see why I was staring at the window he collapsed.  I took advantage of the situation to liberate him from his gun, which went promptly into my backpack, and hoist him back to his feet.  He was still panicking, but I seemed to snap him out of it with a quick punch to the gut, which I must admit had more force than I had expected.  While he was bent over, recovering from the blow I leaned in and offered him a piece of advice: run.  He took it, and I yelled down our favorite gentleman stalker before I went to class (late) with several painfully bruised knuckles, a gun hiding in my backpack (I realized after class I never even turned the safety on), and varying amounts of rage, paranoia, and self-loathing rattling around in my head.  Needless to say that was not my best test grade.  That evening I went on a rant on several blogs, calling for the death of David.  In hindsight I'm not exactly sure why I picked him, but I needed to focus my rage, and he was an excellent target for that.

By Sunday I still had not seen anything else of this Runner, and had begun to hope that he had taken my advice to the full extent I had intended and left my area.  Of course the incident made me realize that the Slender Man had also begun to take a more liberal interpretation of our agreement, and I now had to at least partially protect myself from the occasional rouge human.  To that end I had begun carrying my knife around, it was nothing special, just a small blade that I could flip out in a hurry, no real reach or defensive capabilities, but than anything that would have either of those would be difficult to carry around inconspicuously, so I deemed my knife sufficient.  So on Sunday I decided to take a jog through this quite little nature trail, I quite like running, and with my deal running through the woods is both exhilarating and somewhat humorous, like an inside joke and the only other one who knows it doesn't get humor (although  I have been trying to teach him, he showed some progress with sarcasm the other day).  Before I discuss what happened next I think it is important to mention that I had intended to see him later that day, however our meeting place was not going to be the nature trail I was on, anyhow, continuing on.  

During my run I came across a clearing , the woods were to my back, but the rest of the area was a field.  Standing a short way into the field was the Runner I had encountered on Thursday, he appeared to be waiting for me.  My first thought went to how he got into an area completely surrounded by woods, this person was either very brave and determined, or very stupid, and in hindsight I'm almost positive it was the latter.  I paused, interrupting my run for the sake of curiosity, and he shouted out to me: "I've been waiting for you, I knew you'd be here again."  He seemed to be making some effort to not come of as intimidating.  It worked in a sense, his whole demeanor still carried a threat but I could see him actively trying to lessen it, the whole situation seemed very humorous, and so I laughed.  His appropriate nonthreatening response was to charge me, which of course had worked out splendidly the last time he tried it.  He was a fast sprinter, but he needed to cover about 20 feet to reach me and by the time he did I had almost flipped out my knife (note the almost).  He leapt into the air ready to tackle me at full speed when a tentacle shot out from my left and pinned him to the ground, I imagine you already know who I found when I turned to investigate.  My head and body tried to absorb the ten seconds of action all at once, I was already on an adrenaline high from the run, and the sudden action pushed my head into overdrive, and Cage began shouting inside my head.  I looked at the Slender Man and he offered me a choice: kill the Runner, or watch him die.  I looked at the knife in my hand, I looked at the man flailing on the ground begging for mercy, for a chance to join us, and I let Cage take over.  Cage took a single step forward, knelt to the ground, and said "This is how you join him."

Then the knife entered his heart.

I don't know what that runner's last thoughts were, but he died ignorant.

After killing him a rush entered my body, it was a kind of exhilaration I had never felt before, it was freeing.  The tentacle returned to its master and the Skinny One returned to a more human form, and I began to carve out the body.  I was surprised by how little blood there was, of course there was some, but nowhere near the amount I had expected.  I separated out the organs, I somehow had spilt the heart into two with my first strike, and I placed both halves on the grass right next to each other.  He watched in silence until I was finished.  When I had completed the ritual I looked at him and stated "This doesn't mean I work for you now."  He accepted this, and we proceeded to have a conversation about various other matters, towards the end I brought up the topic of starting a blog, he contemplated it for a while, and then gave his consent.  That evening Cage boasted of my success on Dead One's blog, and I began the process of starting my own.

This is hardly the kind of story I looked forward to retelling here, but it is important you know who I am.  I am capable of killing, I've done it once and I don't believe I would have trouble doing it again.  I do not like being studied without my knowledge, and I will exploit my relationship with the Slender Man if it benefits us both.  I am no hero, I am not a valiant person, and I will do what needs to be done to ensure my own survival, though I do not take that lightly.  And lastly, I am a curious mind, my main goal in this is to study, to investigate, and to learn, if I can earn new knowledge at some risk I will take the risk, so long as I honestly believe I can survive the fallout.

See you around

 -  Cage